Crying all over the shops


Call it sleep deprivation, call it marriage guidance, call it Christmas. Whatever it is, we’ve both found ourselves crying in some highly inappropriate places recently. So, since it’s the end of the year and frankly we haven’t an intelligent thought left between us, we thought we’d bring you a cheery, festive Top 10 Places We’ve Cried in 2014. Read it and, er, weep.

  1. At the Blink counter in John Lewis, after they messed up my eyebrows. They were really good about it, refunding my money and giving me three free sessions, as well as some eyebrow oil that will apparently make them grow back quicker. I told Misha this, who said, ‘I’m not surprised they were good about it. They had a 40-year-old woman weeping all over their shop floor.’ In my defence, I think it was about more than the eyebrows. (Alex)
  2. In the headmaster’s office, for not doing my homework. (Sarah)
  3. In London Fields, because I hadn’t noticed the dog doing a poo and a passer-by shouted at me about it. (Alex)
  4. At the RNLI in Poole, where I was freelancing for the day (as a copywriter, not a lifesaver), in the 1970s staff toilets on the shoulder of a complete stranger. (Sarah)
  5. At a recent Relate session with Tom, when the counsellor said: ‘So what you’re saying is you’ve never actually really talked to each other about anything.’ (Sarah)
  6. On the school crossing in front of the lollipop lady, because Xavier was having his 86th benny of the morning and I was just… so… tired. (Alex)
  7. At Betty’s end-of-term Stagecoach show, while the teenagers sang crap harmonies on John Legend’s All of Me, and Tom and I stared at opposite corners of the room. (Sarah)
  8. During a (rare) massage. It wasn’t painful, it just made me emotional. (Sarah)
  9. On the phone to BT, or the parking people, or perhaps it was about the cack broadband. I can’t remember who it was, but there’s something about being on hold for 25 minutes that makes me cry at whoever eventually picks up. This may be why they take so long. (Alex)
  10. At the doctors asking for anti-depressants, after writing in a national newspaper about how I was doing fine without them. (Sarah)